My babies

My babies

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Letters to Sam II

My dearest Baby Sam,

Last week was one of those every 2 week sonograms that we have been going to ever since you were diagnosed. We are very lucky! We have seen you grow, suck your thumb, punch the Dr and just do everything that a healthy baby would do. We've seen you asleep, awake, and just staring at the camera. What a beautiful little face you have.

The last sonogram there was a little funny slow down in your heart beat, then it would speed up again. You are a fighter! I may or may not have been the one that gave you a stubborn gene, I'll never tell.

At the visits we always have a good talk with the Dr and get questions answered. Daddy has never missed a visit, he is amazing! Since you are still fighting a very good fight and everything seems OK , for now, we were asking her about the birth and some minor things we can do to keep you comfortable till your fight is over and you can go live with Heavenly Father. I never thought that these plans would be soo tough. I have worked so hard to keep you alive for the last 26 weeks it brakes my heart to plan your last hours or days on this earth. But the funny thing is I will be so happy just to see you make it that far.

When we were driving home from the Dr's we decided to just plan the funeral now and put it all away for when it happens. We want it to be perfect and not be such a rushed thing when it happens. So, after all your brothers and sisters went to bed, Daddy made me some tea, so sweet, and we started planning your funeral. There would be 2 versions, one if you were born alive and one if you were born asleep. It was so difficult. No Mommy wants or should have to plan her baby's funeral. Mommy's are supposed to plan the sweet happy birth, and plan what is going to be the first outfit they bring their baby home in, and how to introduce the baby to their new family. Luckily, your sweet Daddy took over finding a casket, a morgue, and the perfect burial plot.

The good news is, you are still kicking and surviving! No need for a funeral yet! We are grateful for this amazing experience. We are soo excited to finally meet you! We know whenever it is it will be the very moment the Lord has planned. He is a gracious God!



EMac said...

Mindy, that is so beautiful, and sad. You are such a wonderful mother to Samuel. He is blessed to have you and Ben, and you are blessed to have him. I pray that Heavenly Father helps you through this trial. I Hope He will comfort you and guide you. We love you so much! Can't wait to see you and your sweet family.

koko bean..... said...

Mindy you are an amazing mom. I want you to know you are in my prayers and thoughts. I love you.

Maleia Titus said...

Mindy, what tender & wonderful words from a mother to her unborn son. Thank you for sharing a little bit of your journey and helping us all to have a strengthened testimony of our Heavenly Father's plan for His children! Know that you are loved and thought of!

oneworld said...

Thank you for allowing others to read such a touching, personal, and heartfelt letter to your sweet angel. There are no words to adequately express how I felt to read your letter. I lost twins but too early to even have a funeral. I miss them even though I never met them.My heart goes out to you and Ben. I trust that the Lord can make so much more out of our lives than we can on our own. He has such an incredible love for us and it amazes me how he can turn tragedy into something beautiful. Love- Jackie & Brandon