My dearest Baby Sam,
Last week was one of those every 2 week sonograms that we have been going to ever since you were diagnosed. We are very lucky! We have seen you grow, suck your thumb, punch the Dr and just do everything that a healthy baby would do. We've seen you asleep, awake, and just staring at the camera. What a beautiful little face you have.
The last sonogram there was a little funny slow down in your heart beat, then it would speed up again. You are a fighter! I may or may not have been the one that gave you a stubborn gene, I'll never tell.
At the visits we always have a good talk with the Dr and get questions answered. Daddy has never missed a visit, he is amazing! Since you are still fighting a very good fight and everything seems OK , for now, we were asking her about the birth and some minor things we can do to keep you comfortable till your fight is over and you can go live with Heavenly Father. I never thought that these plans would be soo tough. I have worked so hard to keep you alive for the last 26 weeks it brakes my heart to plan your last hours or days on this earth. But the funny thing is I will be so happy just to see you make it that far.
When we were driving home from the Dr's we decided to just plan the funeral now and put it all away for when it happens. We want it to be perfect and not be such a rushed thing when it happens. So, after all your brothers and sisters went to bed, Daddy made me some tea, so sweet, and we started planning your funeral. There would be 2 versions, one if you were born alive and one if you were born asleep. It was so difficult. No Mommy wants or should have to plan her baby's funeral. Mommy's are supposed to plan the sweet happy birth, and plan what is going to be the first outfit they bring their baby home in, and how to introduce the baby to their new family. Luckily, your sweet Daddy took over finding a casket, a morgue, and the perfect burial plot.
The good news is, you are still kicking and surviving! No need for a funeral yet! We are grateful for this amazing experience. We are soo excited to finally meet you! We know whenever it is it will be the very moment the Lord has planned. He is a gracious God!
LOVE, MOMMY
My babies
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Letters to Sam
Dear Baby Sam,
You are one deeply loved little baby, and you aren't even born yet. But you are a blessing to your whole family. These letters are from the heart of your mother to a baby she wishes to meet one day, hopefully on this earth in 15 weeks.
When the Lord let Daddy and I know that you needed to come to our family he also let me know you'd be a sweet boy with serious health problems. We were very nervous but knew you were the Lords child first.
When I was 13 weeks along, and on daddy's birthday, we found out some not so happy news about your health. So, the next day we went to a special Doctor that knows a lot about this stuff and we had more tests done. After one easy test and one not so easy test we found out that you have a chromosome abnormality. It's called Trisomy 18 which means there are 3 chromosomes in the 18th spot instead of 2. The doctors informed us that you only had a 10% chance of making it to a live birth and it was very unlikely that you would live past a year if you had a live birth. It turns out that that small little extra chromosome can cause real damage to a sweet little boy like you.
You are obviously more special than we every could have imaged. What a blessing to our family you are. My Doctor has never really dealt with this much since I guess when most mommies and daddies find out about it they decide to stop being pregnant. They really miss out on an angel like you.
We know that the Lord can heal but sometimes that is not the plan. Sometimes a person's mission does not include taking a breath. Sometimes a life is only meant to be for a few days or hours. Even though our sadness is great we know you are the child that was meant for our family. This is God's plan and we are so greatful to be part of it.
You are one deeply loved little baby, and you aren't even born yet. But you are a blessing to your whole family. These letters are from the heart of your mother to a baby she wishes to meet one day, hopefully on this earth in 15 weeks.
When the Lord let Daddy and I know that you needed to come to our family he also let me know you'd be a sweet boy with serious health problems. We were very nervous but knew you were the Lords child first.
When I was 13 weeks along, and on daddy's birthday, we found out some not so happy news about your health. So, the next day we went to a special Doctor that knows a lot about this stuff and we had more tests done. After one easy test and one not so easy test we found out that you have a chromosome abnormality. It's called Trisomy 18 which means there are 3 chromosomes in the 18th spot instead of 2. The doctors informed us that you only had a 10% chance of making it to a live birth and it was very unlikely that you would live past a year if you had a live birth. It turns out that that small little extra chromosome can cause real damage to a sweet little boy like you.
You are obviously more special than we every could have imaged. What a blessing to our family you are. My Doctor has never really dealt with this much since I guess when most mommies and daddies find out about it they decide to stop being pregnant. They really miss out on an angel like you.
We know that the Lord can heal but sometimes that is not the plan. Sometimes a person's mission does not include taking a breath. Sometimes a life is only meant to be for a few days or hours. Even though our sadness is great we know you are the child that was meant for our family. This is God's plan and we are so greatful to be part of it.
LOVE YOU GREATLY, MOMMY
www.trisomy18.org
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