My dearest Baby Sam,
Last week was one of those every 2 week sonograms that we have been going to ever since you were diagnosed. We are very lucky! We have seen you grow, suck your thumb, punch the Dr and just do everything that a healthy baby would do. We've seen you asleep, awake, and just staring at the camera. What a beautiful little face you have.
The last sonogram there was a little funny slow down in your heart beat, then it would speed up again. You are a fighter! I may or may not have been the one that gave you a stubborn gene, I'll never tell.
At the visits we always have a good talk with the Dr and get questions answered. Daddy has never missed a visit, he is amazing! Since you are still fighting a very good fight and everything seems OK , for now, we were asking her about the birth and some minor things we can do to keep you comfortable till your fight is over and you can go live with Heavenly Father. I never thought that these plans would be soo tough. I have worked so hard to keep you alive for the last 26 weeks it brakes my heart to plan your last hours or days on this earth. But the funny thing is I will be so happy just to see you make it that far.
When we were driving home from the Dr's we decided to just plan the funeral now and put it all away for when it happens. We want it to be perfect and not be such a rushed thing when it happens. So, after all your brothers and sisters went to bed, Daddy made me some tea, so sweet, and we started planning your funeral. There would be 2 versions, one if you were born alive and one if you were born asleep. It was so difficult. No Mommy wants or should have to plan her baby's funeral. Mommy's are supposed to plan the sweet happy birth, and plan what is going to be the first outfit they bring their baby home in, and how to introduce the baby to their new family. Luckily, your sweet Daddy took over finding a casket, a morgue, and the perfect burial plot.
The good news is, you are still kicking and surviving! No need for a funeral yet! We are grateful for this amazing experience. We are soo excited to finally meet you! We know whenever it is it will be the very moment the Lord has planned. He is a gracious God!
LOVE, MOMMY
Chaos & Joy
My babies
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Letters to Sam
Dear Baby Sam,
You are one deeply loved little baby, and you aren't even born yet. But you are a blessing to your whole family. These letters are from the heart of your mother to a baby she wishes to meet one day, hopefully on this earth in 15 weeks.
When the Lord let Daddy and I know that you needed to come to our family he also let me know you'd be a sweet boy with serious health problems. We were very nervous but knew you were the Lords child first.
When I was 13 weeks along, and on daddy's birthday, we found out some not so happy news about your health. So, the next day we went to a special Doctor that knows a lot about this stuff and we had more tests done. After one easy test and one not so easy test we found out that you have a chromosome abnormality. It's called Trisomy 18 which means there are 3 chromosomes in the 18th spot instead of 2. The doctors informed us that you only had a 10% chance of making it to a live birth and it was very unlikely that you would live past a year if you had a live birth. It turns out that that small little extra chromosome can cause real damage to a sweet little boy like you.
You are obviously more special than we every could have imaged. What a blessing to our family you are. My Doctor has never really dealt with this much since I guess when most mommies and daddies find out about it they decide to stop being pregnant. They really miss out on an angel like you.
We know that the Lord can heal but sometimes that is not the plan. Sometimes a person's mission does not include taking a breath. Sometimes a life is only meant to be for a few days or hours. Even though our sadness is great we know you are the child that was meant for our family. This is God's plan and we are so greatful to be part of it.
You are one deeply loved little baby, and you aren't even born yet. But you are a blessing to your whole family. These letters are from the heart of your mother to a baby she wishes to meet one day, hopefully on this earth in 15 weeks.
When the Lord let Daddy and I know that you needed to come to our family he also let me know you'd be a sweet boy with serious health problems. We were very nervous but knew you were the Lords child first.
When I was 13 weeks along, and on daddy's birthday, we found out some not so happy news about your health. So, the next day we went to a special Doctor that knows a lot about this stuff and we had more tests done. After one easy test and one not so easy test we found out that you have a chromosome abnormality. It's called Trisomy 18 which means there are 3 chromosomes in the 18th spot instead of 2. The doctors informed us that you only had a 10% chance of making it to a live birth and it was very unlikely that you would live past a year if you had a live birth. It turns out that that small little extra chromosome can cause real damage to a sweet little boy like you.
You are obviously more special than we every could have imaged. What a blessing to our family you are. My Doctor has never really dealt with this much since I guess when most mommies and daddies find out about it they decide to stop being pregnant. They really miss out on an angel like you.
We know that the Lord can heal but sometimes that is not the plan. Sometimes a person's mission does not include taking a breath. Sometimes a life is only meant to be for a few days or hours. Even though our sadness is great we know you are the child that was meant for our family. This is God's plan and we are so greatful to be part of it.
LOVE YOU GREATLY, MOMMY
www.trisomy18.org
Thursday, November 12, 2009
cousins. . . just a few!
July 2009- My kids are very lucky!!!! They have a ton of cousins their own age. Unfortunately none live near us . . . Yet! This summer My sister Lisa and her family came for a visit. She has a great hubby- Ossil, and 3 great kids- Andraya, Chrystine, and Ayden. It was just a week but It was a week full of fun local things.
Our timid little kids at OMSI
Our timid little kids at OMSI
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Salishan
July 2009- We love Oregon and all the adventures here! While adventuring we have come to realize that the Oregon coast is really underdeveloped for it being so stunning. We are used to So Cal where everything is very busy on the coast and there are resorts, super nice places or even just nice places to stay everywhere (which we liked). Our friends the Warnicks found this beautiful resortish place on the coast by Lincoln City. Salishan is just a beautiful place to relax and unwind. We met up with the Warnicks and with all of our kids (8 all together) and had a great time.
The kids had a lot of fun in the play area.
Salishan gets a big thumbs up!!!!!
The kids had a lot of fun in the play area.
Salishan gets a big thumbs up!!!!!
Is running fun????
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Reptile Man. . . What?
June 2009-It is no secret that I can't stand snakes, so lucky me, the library had the Reptile man come and share with the kids all his snakes. Yeah, all these boxes are full of them and don't worry the boxes with the poisonous snakes have a red tag on the box. . . WHAT??????? Yeah, he had poisonous snakes in a room full of overly excited children, doesn't sound like a very well thought out plan.
And to make it even more fun he would dangle them over the kid's heads.
My kids loved every minute of it, it may be because they knew I didn't like it, not sure.
And to make it even more fun he would dangle them over the kid's heads.
My kids loved every minute of it, it may be because they knew I didn't like it, not sure.
Happy Fathers Day!!!!!
Summer 2009- So, father's day comes but once a year and we love to celebrate it for sure!!!! But, I also don't like my children going to church looking homeless and sloppy!!! BUT in the spirit of father's day my heart must have melted or softened (not sure, it doesn't happen often) and I let Ben dress Zach for church in what ever he wanted and he chose laderhosen. Zach was thrilled by the news that he was going to wear this to church.
I guess it could be worse!
I guess it could be worse!
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